How to fix a relationship

Things that you will need:
1. Duct tape
2. Hand cuffs
3. Bubble gum
4. Unmarked van
5. Ski mask (optional)
6. Newspaper
7. Watermelon

So let's say that your female friend  decides that she's had enough and wants to hit the road. But you still love her. And you try to get back together but she don't want you no mo. This is how you solve your love life problems.
It works 40% of the time, every time.

       Step 1, when your woman started using words like "we need to talk","I need some space" or "I think we should take a break" that's when you pull out your handy dandy pocket hand cuffs and cuff yourself to her. So she will be stuck with you no matter what.

       Step 2, now that your female is cuffed to you, and not able to go talk to other thirsty guys. This is when you use bubble gum.  Fill that woman's mouth with tons of bubble gum so she can't talk and isn't able to break up with you.

       Step 3, call up your buddy and tell him to meet at bravo point with the van.  Then get in the van And set up a newspaper just in case she needs to go to the bathroom.

       Step 4, possibly 5 cuz I'm and idiot and I have lost count. Get comfortable beacause it might take a while for her to comply. To pass time, use the duct tape to wax your legs for a swim meet next week. After she agrees to your terms and conditions, than your business is done  and you can let her go. And give her a watermelon as a token of your love

Try doing steps 1-4 with a ski mask on and don't say anything, and see if your results change