Sunday, November 29, 2015
I heart you
Yes I do have a heart. They say it beats 115,200 times a day. But mine beats one less every time I kiss you. Damn this mirror is cold
Final destination
Water... Earth... Fire... Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, an airbender named Brandon Ahlstrom. And although his airbending skills are great, he still has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe Brandon can save the world.
True love
One day Scott got into a huge fight with his parents and couldn't take it anymore. So he stole his dad's car and ran away. He picked up his girl and started driving south towards California. And started driving West towards California, they drove all night until they reach to the beach. they spent the rest of the night drinking margaritas and cuddling on the beach until the LSD wore off and he was dragging a stolen manikin around Wendy's parking lot drinking out of the sprinklers
Sunday, November 1, 2015
How to fix a relationship
Things that you will need:
1. Duct tape
2. Hand cuffs
3. Bubble gum
4. Unmarked van
5. Ski mask (optional)
6. Newspaper
7. Watermelon
So let's say that your female friend decides that she's had enough and wants to hit the road. But you still love her. And you try to get back together but she don't want you no mo. This is how you solve your love life problems.
It works 40% of the time, every time.
Step 1, when your woman started using words like "we need to talk","I need some space" or "I think we should take a break" that's when you pull out your handy dandy pocket hand cuffs and cuff yourself to her. So she will be stuck with you no matter what.
Step 2, now that your female is cuffed to you, and not able to go talk to other thirsty guys. This is when you use bubble gum. Fill that woman's mouth with tons of bubble gum so she can't talk and isn't able to break up with you.
Step 3, call up your buddy and tell him to meet at bravo point with the van. Then get in the van And set up a newspaper just in case she needs to go to the bathroom.
Step 4, possibly 5 cuz I'm and idiot and I have lost count. Get comfortable beacause it might take a while for her to comply. To pass time, use the duct tape to wax your legs for a swim meet next week. After she agrees to your terms and conditions, than your business is done and you can let her go. And give her a watermelon as a token of your love
Try doing steps 1-4 with a ski mask on and don't say anything, and see if your results change
1. Duct tape
2. Hand cuffs
3. Bubble gum
4. Unmarked van
5. Ski mask (optional)
6. Newspaper
7. Watermelon
So let's say that your female friend decides that she's had enough and wants to hit the road. But you still love her. And you try to get back together but she don't want you no mo. This is how you solve your love life problems.
It works 40% of the time, every time.
Step 1, when your woman started using words like "we need to talk","I need some space" or "I think we should take a break" that's when you pull out your handy dandy pocket hand cuffs and cuff yourself to her. So she will be stuck with you no matter what.
Step 2, now that your female is cuffed to you, and not able to go talk to other thirsty guys. This is when you use bubble gum. Fill that woman's mouth with tons of bubble gum so she can't talk and isn't able to break up with you.
Step 3, call up your buddy and tell him to meet at bravo point with the van. Then get in the van And set up a newspaper just in case she needs to go to the bathroom.
Step 4, possibly 5 cuz I'm and idiot and I have lost count. Get comfortable beacause it might take a while for her to comply. To pass time, use the duct tape to wax your legs for a swim meet next week. After she agrees to your terms and conditions, than your business is done and you can let her go. And give her a watermelon as a token of your love
Try doing steps 1-4 with a ski mask on and don't say anything, and see if your results change
Experation Date
The cancer came and claimed dads life.
His body lays with lifeless eyes.
My mothers tears run down her cheek, like a pearl floating in an icy creek.
I got the news and threw up my heart, the water fall came never departs,
it fills up the lake and I drown inside,
Then a hand came down and pulled me from the tide.
I learned to ride the tide and surf the wave.
I will survive,
But my Heart will always be concave.
His body lays with lifeless eyes.
My mothers tears run down her cheek, like a pearl floating in an icy creek.
I got the news and threw up my heart, the water fall came never departs,
it fills up the lake and I drown inside,
Then a hand came down and pulled me from the tide.
I learned to ride the tide and surf the wave.
I will survive,
But my Heart will always be concave.
Sunday, October 11, 2015
The last melon
Roses are red, violets are blue, I built this house for you and me. 6 days a week with blistered hands, making walls that would always withstand.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I caught you cheating on me for another dude. My heart was broken and torn in half, our house broke apart a little to fast
Roses are red, violets are blue, this brick is red because of you. You said you loved me, but that was a lie, I grabbed this brick cause you must die.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I caught you cheating on me for another dude. My heart was broken and torn in half, our house broke apart a little to fast
Roses are red, violets are blue, this brick is red because of you. You said you loved me, but that was a lie, I grabbed this brick cause you must die.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Life advice
Well you see, girls are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck I'm afraid of toasters.
The fastest way to a woman's heart, is through her rib cage.
You never know what you have, until you clean your room.
Hey I'm not a serial killer, we should get dinner sometime.
When nothing is going your way, your probably driving on the wrong side of the road
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice and leave the world wondering what the hell you did wrong.
Walk a mile in my shoes and you will be a mile away and have my shoes.
One day I will solve my problems with maturity. Today however, it will be with alcohol
Going diarrhea in your boyfriends mouth, tapping it closed and ticking him until poop comes out of his noes
No, I don't like you or dislike you. I nothing you.
The fastest way to a woman's heart, is through her rib cage.
You never know what you have, until you clean your room.
Hey I'm not a serial killer, we should get dinner sometime.
When nothing is going your way, your probably driving on the wrong side of the road
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice and leave the world wondering what the hell you did wrong.
Walk a mile in my shoes and you will be a mile away and have my shoes.
One day I will solve my problems with maturity. Today however, it will be with alcohol
Going diarrhea in your boyfriends mouth, tapping it closed and ticking him until poop comes out of his noes
No, I don't like you or dislike you. I nothing you.
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