Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Life advice

Well you see, girls are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck I'm afraid of toasters.

The fastest way to a woman's heart, is through her rib cage.

You never know what you have, until you clean your room.

Hey I'm not a serial killer, we should get dinner sometime.

When nothing is going your way, your probably driving on the wrong side of the road

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice and leave the world wondering what the hell you did wrong.

Walk a mile in my shoes and you will be a mile away and have my shoes.

One day I will solve my problems with maturity. Today however, it will be with alcohol

Going diarrhea in your boyfriends mouth, tapping it closed and ticking him until poop comes out of his noes

No, I don't like you or dislike you. I nothing you.

6 comments:

  1. haha the apple juice one is my favorite

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  2. This is literally ghe greatest thing i have ever read

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  3. Replies
    1. "Going diarrhea in your boyfriends mouth, tapping it closed and ticking him until poop comes out of his noes"

      mmmmmm "snaps"

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